I loved the dress that I bought at a flea market. It fit perfectly, and the skirt was a swirl of intricate pleats.
I wore it confidently to an evening party and glowed when a woman exclaimed, “Oh, how stunning!”
Yes, I was grinning from ear to ear, until she added cheerfully,
“Hang on to it, honey. Pleats will come back someday.”
A customer walked into my clothing shop and asked to see the pants that were advertised in the paper that day.
“We don’t have an ad in the paper today,” I told her.
She insisted I was wrong, so I got a copy of the paper, and we went through it, eventually landing on an ad for pants from another local store.
Exasperated, the customer glared at me and said, “In my newspaper, the ad was for this store!”
Thinking that no one could hear me as I loaded lots of packages into a delivery van, I began to whistle. I was really getting into it when a coworker in the next van poked his head in.
“You know, I always used to wish I could whistle,” he said.
“Now I just wish you could.”
Teaching is not for sensitive souls. While reviewing future, past, and present tenses with my English class, I posed this question: “‘I am beautiful’ is what tense?”
One student raised her hand. “Past tense.”