A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is getting out. All of a sudden they hear the doorbell ring, so his wife wraps a towel around herself and goes downstairs to answer the door.
Standing outside is their next door neighbour, Bob.
Bob gets a cheeky look on his face and tells the woman that he’ll give her $800 if she drops the towel.
She thinks about it for a few seconds, then decides to do it. She’s now standing stark naked in front of Bob, who hands over the cash and leaves.
The wife puts on her towel and goes back upstairs.
“Who was that?” her husband asks.
“Oh, just Bob,” she replies.
He then says, “Oh cool, did he mention anything about the $800 he owes me?
A leopard is walking through the jungle when he sees a lost dachshund in the distance.
He stealthily begins to stalk up on him, intent on making a meal of him. However, the dachshund catches a glimpse of him out of the corner of his eye. Knowing that there’s no way he can win a footrace against a leopard, he decides to employ other tactics.
He sits down by a nearby pile of bones. Once the leopard is in earshot, the dachshund sighs contentedly and says to himself, “My, that was one tasty leopard.“
And not being of the brightest variety, the leopard immediately high-tails it out of the area.
A monkey had been watching all this go down, and, being the cheeky rascal of the jungle, decides to spill the beans to the leopard. Swinging through the trees, he eventually catches up to the leopard, and tells him that there’s no way that little dog could have eaten an entire leopard. The leopard sees he’s made a fool of himself, vows revenge, and tells the monkey to hop on his back to come watch.
A few minutes later, the dachshund sees them approaching. As they get closer, he taps his foot in apparent irritation and mutters to himself,
“Where’s that daggum monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to fetch me another leopard!”
Little Billy is standing in the barn with his grandpa.
There are rabbits in the barn and their droppings are all over the floor.
The boy says, “What are all these pellets on the ground, grandpa?”
Grandpa says, “They’re smart pills, Billy. Eat them and you’ll get smarter.“
Little Billy liked the sound of that so he grabbed a handful off the ground and shoved them in his mouth. He immediately spit them out and said, “Ugh, those taste like crap, grandpa!“
Grandpa says, “See you’re getting smarter already.“