A lawyer calls a dog as a witness.
The Judge says, “Get that dog out, it cannot be a witness.”
The Lawyer says, “Don’t worry this dog can talk. I will prove it.”
The dog is sworn on to the podium and the Lawyer begins his cross examination.
First he asks the dog, “Good morning sir, how was the road on your way here?”
The dog says, “Rough.”
Then the lawyer asks, “What is on the top of the building?”
“Roof,” the dog replies.
Then the lawyer asks the dog, “Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?”
“Ruth!” Exclaims the dog.
The judge has had enough and demands that the dog is removed from the court.
As he walks out the dog says, “Should I have said Hank Aaron?”
A university student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch. However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said, “A swan shan’t be friends with a pig.“
“Then I shall fly on,” answered the student with a smile.
The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to fail the student at the exams.
At the oral exam, he gave the student the hardest questions, but the student had amazing answers for everything. Therefore, hoping he could still fail his victim, the teacher asked him a trickier question, “You’re walking on a road and you find two bags. One contains gold, the other cleverness. Which bag do you choose?“
“The gold.” answers the student.
“Unfortunately, I don’t agree. I’d choose cleverness, because that’s more important than money,” says the teacher.
“Everyone would choose what they don’t have,” says the student.
The teacher turns red, and he’s so angry he writes “ass” on the student’s paper. The student leaves without looking at the paper. However, the student returns shortly afterwards, gives back his paper and says, “Excuse me sir, you did sign my paper, but you forgot to give my grade!“
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, then she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease, it’s just that you look so much like my late son.“
He answered, “That’s okay.“
“I know it’s silly, but if you’d call out “Good bye, Mom” as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.“
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, “Goodbye, Mom.“
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone’s day, he went to pay for his groceries.
“That comes to $121.85,” said the clerk.
“How come so much? I only bought 5 items!” said the young man.
The clerk replied, “Yeah, but your Mother said you’d be paying for her things, too.“