Jokes to Surprise

A bunch of men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
Man: “Hello
Woman: “Darling, it’s me. Are you at the club?
Man: “Yes
Woman: “I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?
Man: “Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much.
Woman: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.
Man: “How much?
Woman: “$80,000
Man: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.
Woman: “Great! Oh, and one more thing … The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000
Man: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price.
Woman: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!!
Man: “Bye! I love you, too.

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape…..

He smiles and asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?

A man was dying. His wife sat at his bedside. He looked up and said weakly, “I have something I must confess before I die.

There’s no need to, ” she replied.

No,” he insisted, “I want to die in peace. I must tell you. I’ve had sex with your sister, your best mate, her best mate, and your mother!

I know,” she replied, “now just rest and let the poison do its work.

A man had owned a large farm in Louisiana for many years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”

The old man frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator…

Published by Lookn into it.

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