My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
What did the hamburger name it’s baby? Patty!
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii!
Sure, I drink brake fluid. But I can stop anytime!
Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they’re having trouble installing Windows!
My girlfriend thought I’d never be able to make a car out of spaghetti… You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta!
Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!
I just found out that I’m colour blind. The news came completely out of the green!
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick? Put it on my bill!
I once met a pig that did karate… we called him Pork Chop!
Somebody stole all my lamps…. and I couldn’t be more de-lighted!
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie!
That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
I’ve started sleeping in our fireplace. Now I sleep like a log!
I have a few jokes about unemployed people… But none of them work!
Every soccer player’s favourite beverage? Penal-tea!
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay. He woke up!
What do you call an overweight psychic? A four-chin teller!
Why do eggs hate jokes? The answer cracks them up!
I wondered why Frisbee’s looked bigger the closer they came… And then it hit me!